To find you
by Everybodywantstoruleklaine
Summary: Blaine is trying to find more out about the past of his husband who passed a way after he fought years against cancer. In this quest, a certain Kurt Hummel is willing to help Blaine. Will they find more than answers? Rating M because I have no idea how far I will go with this.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1 **_

_"__I love you." Daniel whispered and held Blaine closely to him, letting his fingers trace down his spine. Blaine whispered the words back against his temple and tried so hard to be strong for him. Their fingers were laced together and many more sweet words were spoken. Until the poison started to work and Daniel breathed his last breath.  
For years he had tried to fight the cancer, but he was just tired now. He was tired of fighting and feeling weak and euthanasia was the only way out for him. Blaine's heart broke when Daniel signed the papers, but he knew it was the only option to let him go in a way that was worth it. The longer they waited, the more he suffered and Blaine suffered along to see his husband like this.  
He kept on lying there with him until the nurses got there and started washing them._

* * *

The next few weeks and months were a blur for Blaine. For seven years he had been with this man and he loved him to death and now he was just there. All by himself and nobody to share his love with anymore. They still had so many things planned. Daniel had made a bucket list for the two of them and Blaine just kept on looking at it. They had only done four of the ten things and it broke his heart. Everything that reminded him of Daniel broke him. With grief came a lot of stages, but Blaine just kept on hanging on the first one. Every morning he still woke up, expecting Daniel to make one of his goofy faces again and make him laugh.  
Eventually the anger came and Blaine was mad at the world. It made him want to scream and everyone. He hit low bottom when he started yelling to a young couple who was kissing in central park. Blaine used to be one of them.  
People also started to give up on him. The first weeks they called to check up on him, but then they just forgot. They also forgot about Daniel, or so he thought. It didn't really bother him anymore that they didn't call or bother to invite him to their nights out. Life didn't matter at all anymore. How could he live with nothing, when he used to have it all?

He had it all. Blaine had studied economics in NYU, where he had met Daniel since he had done the same and had a nice job not so far from wall street and he had a pretty decent paycheck. When he had graduated at the age of 23 he and Daniel got an apartment together and only a few months later they were engaged. Only forty-seven days later he realized that life wasn't a fairytale. They found out that Daniel had a brain tumor and there wasn't much they could do. Apparently he was already in a far stage where they could only help him by making the process longer and let him live three more years. In those three years, Blaine and Daniel got married and it was perfect. It was a small wedding, but all their beloved ones were there.

But now it didn't matter anymore. There was nothing left besides memories. Because that was all Daniel was now: a memory. A memory Blaine never wanted to forget. He never wanted to forget about him or what they had. He was lucky to have witnessed true love at such a young age.

"I love you, but you need to go on without me." Daniel had said just before he passed away. How could he say that? How could he tell Blaine to go on without him? He couldn't. It didn't matter if he would keep on living in the past, he just needed to keep his memory alive and never forget. Because if he would ever forget about what happened between them, it would kill him inside.

Daniel had always been a spontaneous, fun and loving guy. But he was always very mysterious about his past. Blaine knew everything about his college time, obviously, but never about what happened before that. "It doesn't matter, we're here now. In the present, living our future." He always said and Blaine would keep on insisting about letting him spill something.

Eight months after his death, Blaine looked through his stuff, again. It was something he did to calm himself down. There was something about seeing pictures of him during their college parties or his baby pictures. He always used to hate it when Blaine looked through that album, but he used to have jug ears as a baby. Blaine on the other hand thought they were cute. Everything about him was cute. Not everything was perfect about him, but that's how you see a person when you're in love.

He frowned when he saw a yearbook of McKinley High on the bottom of the box. There was a lot of dust on it and Blaine wiped it off before he opened the album. It was from his senior year and apparently he had been in a few clubs. That made Blaine happy, because that was how he remembered him. Daniel hated nothing more than being bored. He wasn't a hyperactive person, but he was always busy with something.  
His eye fell on a picture of him and the glee club, holding a nationals trophy. It made Blaine really proud that his husband had been in a successful glee club. All the names of the members were under the picture and it inspired Blaine to do something.

That's how he ended up looking through Facebook at their profiles and mailed as many people as possible to ask them if he could ask a few questions about Daniel and his life in high school. Nobody really answered until a few days later.  
_  
One new message from Kurt Hummel.  
_

* * *

_AN : Hi! This is my first story and I'm really excited to share this one with you guys. It's something I've been dying to write forever, but I never had the time and courage to actually write it. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that his is a little bit okay. I also need to tell you guys that English in only my third language so excuse me if I suck at this.  
Anyway, thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Blaine smiled softly when he felt a warm body cuddling against him, followed by a strong arm that held his protectively around his waist. The strong scent of coffee was overwhelming and Blaine laughed, "You know you don't have to do this each Sunday morning? We've been living together for three weeks now, someday I'll have to get used to not having breakfast on bed." Blaine pouted and tangled their legs together._

_"But today is not the day." Daniel answered and sat up straight, holding the croissant in front of Blaine's lips. The other man was trying so hard to resist it until he gave in and took a bite of it. Blaine moaned when he tasted the warm croissant and took a deep breath "Okay, forget what I said. You simply won't ever stop with breakfast on bed." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss him lovingly. Blaine only pulled away to feed Daniel a bit of his croissant."_

_It was just perfect. Each Sunday, they tried to have as many household chores done, so they could enjoy their lazy Sunday in bed. They cuddled in bed before and after breakfast. Then they would start making out and make love. It had started to become a routine, but neither of them wanted to change a thing. Their relationship was still adventurous enough to keep it exciting. Not that they needed an exciting life, or sex life. Blaine was sure that they were soul mates and they knew each other's needs._

_If only one of them knew, that their Sunday mornings would be so limited._

* * *

Blaine bit on his lip when he saw the notification on his Facebook. This person, Kurt, could give him many answers. Even though he had no idea what he was looking for. He just wanted to know more about his past. There must be something he was hiding about everything that happened before college. Otherwise he would have told him about everything, just like Blaine had done. It still felt so wrong for Blaine to dig in his past. Especially since he was dead. Maybe he didn't want this at all and he couldn't defend himself.

He stood up and put his laptop away for a bit and walked towards the kitchen to prepare lunch. Was it really that wrong that he wanted to know more about his husband? Could someone really blame him for wanting to talk with people who had known him years before he did? Was he a bad person for just being desperate about all of this? Blaine wished that he could talk to someone about this. Brenda used to be the person who was always there for him, but Blaine had neglected their friendship and he just couldn't randomly talk to her and pretend like nothing had happened.

After dinner, he had decided that it wasn't wrong. It was not like he would find a deep dark secret about Daniel. He would have told him if there was a deep dark secret in his past. He made himself comfortable on his side on the couch. Even after all those months, Blaine never dared to sit on Daniel's side of the couch. They had their own places and it had just become a habit. It was a habit that Blaine never wanted to stop. Just like all their habits. People would probably think it was pathetic that he started crying if he woke up on Daniel's side of the bed. But it just felt so wrong to wake up on his side of the bed, without him being there.

Blaine started his computer and opened Facebook, taking a big deep breath before he finally clicked on the message and started reading.

[**Kurt Hummel 07:34AM**]  
_Dear Blaine Anderson, _

_I'm really sorry to hear about Daniel's death.. I haven't heard about him since after graduation and I must say that it's a huge shock.. We all wondered where he was and what he had been up to. Him being sick never crossed our mind.. Neither my friends or I have heard from him after graduation. He just left and never really told us about his plans. I do am happy to read that he was married and had a happy life. I'm more than willing to help you with your questions. I hope I can answer as many as possible and give you some kind of closure.. Or whatever you're trying to find. _  
_Kind regards,_  
_Kurt Hummel_

Blaine reread the message a few times and thought about what he had just read. He stood up and took the yearbook picture with them, which only confused him more. This must have been taken a few weeks before graduation and he looked really happy to be with his friends. But why would he break all the contact with them? It didn't make any sense towards Blaine, because Dan always used to be the one to call a friend first when he thought they hadn't enough contact. Even when they had a fight, it was always him who reached out towards Blaine first to make up.

[**Blaine Anderson 2:15PM**]  
_Hi Kurt Hummel, _

_First of all, I want to thank you for trying to help me out. You have no idea how much this means to me. After graduation, Daniel moved towards New York and studied economics in NYU. That's where he met me. We were in the same class and it was love at the first sight. Or at the first conversation, since he had seen me before and I was just being a nerd and only paying attention to my books. I'm really shocked to see that he cut you guys off.. It's not how I remember him. Did something happen? Was he bullied? Did it have to do with the divorce of his parents? _  
_I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming you with questions.. I just really want to hold on to something and knowing the person who I married would mean a lot me._

_Blaine Anderson_

* * *

[**Kurt Hummel 2:27PM**]  
_Since we're around the same age, we should we less formal. It feels a bit awkward. _  
_Hmm, New York.. Big city and such a waste I didn't know about his whereabouts because I would have loved to see him again. Especially if he was sick.. I just feel really bad about this. I'm sorry. _  
_Look, Blaine. You don't need to find out who he was, because you knew Daniel probably a lot better than us. But to answer your questions: no he wasn't bullied and his parents divorced two years before graduation so it probably has nothing to do with that. _  
_I understand you. I really do, but maybe you should try to hold on to the memories you have. _

Kurt closed his eyes when he sent the message to Blaine. He felt bad about not telling him a huge part about Daniel's past, but was that what the other man needed? To hear something about his husband's past and make him question everything about the boy he knew. Kurt wondered why he was doing this in the first place. It was not like he knew Blaine personally, but he must have been a good man if he got to marry Daniel.

Daniel was Kurt's first crush who was not straight. His personality was a lot like Finn's since they were both the most popular guys in school. Somehow they were also very different. Daniel was more responsible and tried to talk to everyone. During sports, he always made sure to pick the 'losers' first so they would feel a bit better about themselves. He was also Kurt's first kiss. During one of their glee meetings, they talked about their fears.  
"I'm scared I'll never find a boy who will ever want to kiss me." Kurt had said with a small voice. The man could still remember how awkward it had felt to share such a fear. Santana and Quinn had laughed and Kurt ran out because he just felt too embarrassed.

That was when Daniel offered to kiss him. He gave him the pep talk that he needed to hear and then he asked Kurt if he could kiss him. Of course, Kurt didn't say no and he knew it was just a kiss for Daniel. To him it had meant a lot more than that, but he didn't blame him at all.  
After the kiss, they became good friends and that's also where they drew the line. Kurt didn't want more, because he looked up to him and being his friend was already more than enough.

It wasn't an exaggeration if you'd say that Daniel was the most popular guy on school. It had nothing to do with his looks or his wealthy parents. He had to thank everything to his personality and empathy. Everyone loved him and he didn't even have to try, unlike a few other people. Dan had been the most loved person on school, until everything changed after winter break.

* * *

Blaine couldn't help but feel like Kurt was just trying to get rid of him. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he mostly felt it when someone just didn't want to talk to him. Was Kurt trying to hide something from him? Was there something important that he was not telling him on purpose? It made Blaine's head hurt when he thought about all the different scenarios. What could be so worse about telling about your high school life? Of course, high school wasn't fun for most people, but he seemed so happy on all those pictures and people also seemed to happy to be near him.

[**Blaine Anderson 2:34PM**]  
_You're living in New York, right? Can we meet? _

* * *

AN: Thank you so much for still being here and reading this story. I really hope I'm not letting you guys down. Also, it's not really my goal to be one of those people, but it would mean a lot to me if you shared your feelings (positive and negative), thoughts,.. with me so I have some feedback to work with. I just want this story to be good and that's only possible with your help.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Blaine quietly got into their apartment and walked on his tips to the kitchen where Daniel was preparing dinner. He slowly stood behind him and put his hands on his eyes. "Guess what," Blaine whispered hotly against his ear and moved his hands away and let them slowly trail down his chest "I got us tickets for Katy Perry."_

_"T- that's great..." Daniel shrugged and focused back on their meal. Blaine didn't miss the lack of enthusiasm and couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. They always used to love concerts together. Was this the beginning of the end? Would they already become one of those couples who never did anything fun anymore because they had fallen into a routine?_

_"Is there something wrong? You don't sound like you're really excited." Blaine mumbled and moved away to take his shoes off and put them away. It had taken him a lot effort to get them good tickets and now he pretended like it didn't even matter at all. Or maybe he wasn't pretending, he just probably felt sorry for him because he tried too hard. That was just Blaine. Once he was in love, he would do anything for that guy and do anything for him. Not that he had a lot of experience with love, since Daniel was his first true love. _

_Daniel noticed his fiancée his disappointment and sighed "Blaine. I would really like to go.. But my head." Blaine looked worriedly at him and stood up to kiss his temple "Is it still hurting, babe? Maybe you should consider visiting a doctor? I mean, even if it's only migraine, you can get some advice about how to handle it better and-" _

_"No. It's probably nothing. Seriously, I'll just take a painkiller and lay down for a bit," Daniel quickly said and grinned at him "While you give me an amazing full body massage." Blaine immediately laughed and rolled his eyes "Yes, of course you would try to bribe me like that."_

_"You know me too well." Daniel grinned and cupped Blaine's face strongly before he kissed him lovingly. The short man wrapped his arms around Daniel's waist and kissed him as sweetly back. "I love you." Blaine whispered before cutting the man off with another kiss, before he could say something back._

_Now Blaine would give anything to hear him say it one more time. _

* * *

[**Blaine Anderson 2:34PM**]  
_You're living in New York, right? Can we meet?_

Kurt kept on looking at the message and bit groaned, lying down on the couch with the laptop on his stomach. What could he do? Part of him wanted to help this man, because somehow he had the right to know. But did he want to be the one who told him the truth?

[**Kurt Hummel 3:02PM**]  
_Yeah. But I'm not sure if we should meet..._

He pressed the button and immediately closed his laptop after. Before those messages, he hadn't really thought about the whole incident again. It was something that was just too horrible to think of. Not that is had effected his life, but he used to care a lot about Daniel and it had hurt to see him like that. That's when he imagined how hard it must have been for Blaine. He had seen him struggling for years and there was nothing he could do about it. So he decided for himself that he would tell Blaine the truth... someday.

* * *

Blaine couldn't believe what he was reading. Why was it now such a big issue to meet him? Before Blaine asked him some questions, it didn't seem like a problem at all. The more he talked to Kurt, the more it became clear that he was hiding something. But what could it be? What could be so worse that it couldn't be told? Maybe Blaine shouldn't bother with this and go try messaging some other people who were in other clubs with Dan, maybe the other people would be more helpful than those glee club members.

[**Blaine Anderson 3:14PM**]  
_Fine. Thanks for your time. Don't worry about it anymore. _

It was not his intention to sound grumpy or be annoyed with this guy. Kurt wasn't the reason why he was annoyed. He was just annoyed with life, because every time he had some hope, it just got crushed a few moments after. The curly haired man really wanted this pity party to stop, but he had no idea how. He even had no idea how to deal with his loss because nobody was there to help him and it was his entire fault. If he had just let people in when they were there for him, then he would at least have some friends left.

He took a quick nap on the couch, because sleeping was the only thing that got him through. Time passed quickly by if he wasn't awake. Maybe he had skipped a stage of grief and was already at stage four: _depression_. A depression sounded really bad, but it would also mean that he was closer to the final step. A part of him wanted to give his death a place in his life. Not that he was ready to move on and start dating again. He probably would never be able to put himself out there again, but being able to live again would be nice.

When he woke up, he took his laptop again and saw that there was a new message from Kurt.

[**Kurt Hummel 4:45PM**]  
_Blaine, I truly believe that this is not what you're looking for. I think you need something to hold on to.. Just someone to talk to and fill the missing gaps about his life... And I want to help you. I can talk to you about how a great guy he was, but I think you already know that. We can just have a coffee somewhere and talk about him... only if you want to. Because I know what it's like to deal with loss. I don't know anything about the support group you have, but I do know that you need people around you. Especially months after because people tend to... forget. You'll probably feel a lot of pressure to do anything to not forget about him... and I can tell you this: you won't. He will always have a special place in your heart so just try to live your life again. I'm sure he would have wanted that too._

Blaine wiped a small tear away. Kurt had hit a sore spot, because it was true: people really forgot. Not that he could really blame them for going on. It was what Daniel had expected him to do, but he just couldn't. It wasn't really a big question mark why. Daniel and Blaine were a team, partners in crime, lovers and soul mates. Moving on from that one person wasn't easy. It would take a lot of time to try and find his routine again... without him.

[**Blaine Anderson 6:23PM**]  
_I don't have someone, to be honest. Coffee sounds great to me, though. It would be really great to talk to someone again and bring up some memories about Daniel. I probably sound like a pathetic sad dude -which I totally am- but thank you. Thank you so much for wanting to have a __conversation with me and sort of create an image of high school Daniel for me. This really means a lot, Kurt. Thank you so much._

* * *

When Kurt read the message, he recognized Daniel in this Blaine guy. After the whole incident, he had also preferred to handle everything on his own. Luckily -but unfortunately for him – it wasn't really easy to ignore people in high school. When you live on your own, you can just lock yourself up and decide to just be alone. Daniel had wanted to lock himself up, too, but he didn't have the choice. Everyone in glee club was really close and they were there for each other, no matter what.

[**Kurt Hummel 6:43PM**]  
_Sure. I'd be more than happy to meet the husband of my first crush (please don't ask). We could meet tomorrow around 4PM at a coffee shop? It's a Sunday, so I assume you'll be free, unless you already have plans. It would just be great to meet you._

Blaine must have been online because only a minute later he already got a message back.

[**Blaine Anderson 6:44PM**]  
_Sure. 4PM is great, do you know Cup'n Beans? We could meet there?_

Kurt chuckled when he read that Blaine wanted to meet in Cup'n Beans, it was his favourite coffee place in the entire city and only three blocks away from his apartment.

[**Kurt Hummel 6:46PM**]  
_You already had me at Cup'n Beans. See you tomorrow, Blaine._

The taller guy put the meeting in his iPhone, because he had a many things going on in his head since there was a big fashion show coming up and his head was just a mess. He really would have to just forget about this and let the other man down.

[**Blaine Anderson 6:47PM**]  
_Perfect. See you tomorrow, Kurt._

Kurt couldn't help but smile a bit. He was just really curious about this guy. Not like he was crushing on Blaine, because he wasn't that guy anymore. Ever since he had come to New York, he was more self confident and aimed for bigger things. He focused on his career and friendships, which already absorbed most of his time since he was still friends with Rachel Berry.  
Besides, crushing on someone who was going through the roughest time of his life would just be too weird. No, he just wanted to know what kind of guy Daniel had ended up with.

[**Kurt Hummel 6:50PM**]  
_Courage._

* * *

_**AN:**_ I can't thank the lovely readers who follow and reviewed this more than enough. I'm still really excited to share this story with you guys. This story is will probably be 6/7 chapters long, because since this story is taking my writers virginity, I can't make it last too long.  
The next update will be in a few dates, because I also need to study for my exams and I only write when I have some free and inspiration.  
Anyway, reviews with your positive, neutral or negative feedback would make me really happy, since I obviously have a lot to learn. But you're probably already bored with me so I'll end this AN. See you next time.


End file.
